EPISODE 5: A MEDIOCRE FINALE
INT. MAIN CHARACTER ACADEMY PRINCIPLE’S OFFICE – NIGHT (1)
LIZZY LION and SHINICHI TEMPEST look to YUREI OKABE.
YUREI OKABE:
“Ghosts here.”
CHISAKI fades into the room moaning repeatedly.
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Keep it down you smelly sack!”
CHISAKI grabs SHINICHI TEMPEST and is shaking about as ectoplasm drips onto him. SHINICHI TEMPEST screams.
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“EW! It’s drooling on me!”
LIZZY LION:
“I got this! I got it!”
LIZZY LION throws her gadget at CHISAKI.
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Brilliant.”
Dripping with sarcasm.
YUREI OKABE:
“You can’t hit a ghost-“
LIZZY LION:
“Sorry, I’m just try-“
YUREI OKABE:
“-like that.”
YUREI OKABE hands his gadget box to LIZZY LION.
YUREI OKABE:
“Press this button.”
LIZZY LION presses it, and an insane beam shoots out. LIZZY LION is startled by this and fumbles. The beam streaks across the room and singes off SHINICHI TEMPEST’s hair in a bad way.
YUREI OKABE:
“Oooh.”
YUREI OKABE bites his knuckle.
LIZZY LION:
“Not his MC hair.”
CHISAKI:
“OH man that’s really not good.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST walks up to a mirror with everyone standing behind him.
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“No no, I love it. Really.”
LIZZY LION:
“Yeah? You’re not just saying that?”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Totally. I feel like a new me.”
LIZZY LION:
“I’m glad. I worked really hard on it.”
LIZZY LION tries to blast CHISAKI again, and the three of them tousle and run about in the background like in Scooby Doo. SHINICHI TEMPEST hasn’t stopped looking at himself. Camera zooms in on him. He vogues a pose as a tear falls down his face.
YUREI OKABE:
“TEMPEST! Now’s the time!”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“For what?”
SHINICHI TEMPEST turns to see they have CHISAKI trapped in a beam bubble.
YUREI OKABE:
“KISS CHISAKI!”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“NO!”
YUREI OKABE:
“IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK THE CURSE!”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!”
YUREI OKABE:
“WE SKIPPED A LOT OF STEPS THAT WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED THINGS! BUT THERE’S NO TIME! COME ON PUCKER BOY! BE THE SEXY ANIME GIRL THIS SHOW DESERVES!”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“I DON’T FEEL VERY ATTRACTIVE!”
SHINICHI TEMPEST touches his hair nervously.
CHISAKI:
“No man, it’s okay. You look great.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Oh yeah? You mean it?”
CHISAKI:
“Absolutely. No need to be nervous. You got this buddy.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Okay!”
Big climactic music plays as SHINICHI TEMPEST slowly leans in. YUREI OKABE can be seen playing Yoshi in the background. SHINICHI TEMPEST and CHISAKI kiss and CHISAKI softly fades away.
LIZZY LION:
“Wow, that actually worked.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“I feel funny.”
LIZZY LION:
“Funny how?”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Like sexuality is a fluid mystery full of surprises and discoveries waiting to be explored.”
YUREI OKABE:
“Yes, the first sexual awakening. We get it.”
LIZZY LION:
“So, we resolved that ghost issue earlier than I was expecting. I never got to show you what I found in here.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Oh yeah. What was it?”
LIZZY LION:
“Chisaki’s student folder. It’s pretty sad.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Oh, really? Nevermind then.”
LIZZY LION:
“What?”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“It’s just going to make me feel bad for him and ignore the fact that he was a dick.”
LIZZY LION:
“But he’s dead now. And you kissed him. And he’s dead.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“If there’s one thing our justice system got right, it’s that just because you have a dark or sad past, it does not mean you get to be a dick about it.”
YUREI OKABE:
“It’s a pretty lame character trope, Lizzy. You’re better than that.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Why do all enemies have to be a martyr to sympathize with? What happened to good, old-fashioned villain VS. hero?”
YUREI OKABE:
“Wah wah! I was an orphan that no one loved so now I hurt everyone as payback. Bleh! Lame! Guess what little stupid orphan? You’re not the only orphan in the world and a lot of them DON’T become dicks.”
LIZZY LION:
“FINE. We won’t sympathize with the enemy. Can we at least finish this bitch off with a team high five or something?”
YUREI OKABE:
“Really? We’re a team?”
LIZZY LION:
“Sure, why not. What else would this show be about? Can’t keep up this Slice of Life bullshit anymore.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“On three?”
LIZZY LION:
“One.”
SHINICHI TEMPEST:
“Two.”
YUREI OKABE:
“THREE!”
They high five with tremendous passion.
-THE END-