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Etch A Sketch

Here is a list of my comedy skits, which I like to call sketches, with my favorite moments, or blips, from the skit.

December 10, 2020

Blip:

A tall, indiscriminate office building with a Summery-sky background appears in a low resolution shot. An upbeat, 80s pop style song plays as a brightly colored, vector logo slides into center screen: What’s the Deal with Phone Jobs?

FADE INTO

NARRATOR:

“Well, hello there, and welcome to the team. I’ll be here to help YOU understand the DEAL with phone jobs. Think of me as your cruise captain for all things dial tone, transfer, and off the hook.”

NARRATOR chuckles.

NARRATOR:

“Let’s get started.”

CUT TO

An establishing shot of BETH (25), a smiling woman who believes that if she says yes enough times, something good will come of it, dressed in professional attire sitting in her cubicle.

BETH:

“Good to meet you, everyone.”

To read the whole sketch, click here.

December 3, 2020

Blip:

RILEY:

“For this topic, we’re running a little experiment. In an attempt to spice up the show, this following segment, title and content, is written by a complete stranger and was chosen at random by a friend of mine. So, I will be reacting truthfully and in tandem with you the audience.”

RILEY grabs a sealed envelope from her desk. She grins excitedly.

RILEY:

“Without further ado. This segment is called: ‘Lightly Suggesting Homo-Erotica, IRL.’”

RILEY’s expression falls as she stares at the envelope. She grips the envelope as she considers the consequences of opening the envelope or not opening the envelope. She looks to camera, flashes a smile, and swiftly rips open the flap without breaking eye contact with the camera.

To read the whole sketch, click here.

January 15, 2021

Blip:

ROOM MATE 1:

“Consider anal.”

ROOM MATE 2 answers politely.

ROOM MATE 2:

“No, thank you.”

ROOM MATE 1:

“Oh, come on. God’s not gonna smite you for considering anal. What is he, the thought police?”

ROOM MATE 2:

“Yes.”

ROOM MATE 1:

“But people DO anal, yes?”

ROOM MATE 2:

“I suppose people do anal.”

ROOM MATE 1:

“Brilliant. But consider the ramifications.”

ROOM MATE 2:

“I have.”

ROOM MATE 1:

“So, you’ve considered the ramifications of anal but not anal itself?”

ROOM MATE 2:

“I am religious, yes.”

ROOM MATE 1 and ROOM MATE 2 hold for a big laugh from the audience.

To read the whole sketch, click here.

January 22, 2021

Blip:

SHINICHI TEMPEST INT. MONOLOGUE:

“All these other kids are interesting and have a lot going for them. They’re beyond spectacular! But me? I’m as dull as rocks. Break me open and there’s just more of the same. My whole life I’ve been boring. Everyone I know tells me so. I’m just your average guy. I don’t have a sad backstory, recovery arc, super powers, glorious mission, personality trait, none of it! So, when I found that invitation in the mail, I was truly dumbfounded.”

FLASHBACK BEGIN

SHINICHI TEMPEST opens up the front door if his house in the most normal and boring way possible. He calmly walks to the mailbox and opens it. He finds the letter. He opens it and is surprised.

FLASHBACK END

STUDENT 1:

“THAT was the flashback? What did that establish? You already SAID that.”

SHINICHI TEMPEST INT. MONOLOGUE:

“Well, now that I’ve established how much of an utter disappointment of a main character I am, let’s begin the story.”

To read the whole sketch, click here.

January 29, 2021

Blip:

LIZZY LION:

“Oh, I’m so sorry Tempest-san! That response was totally not in my character type. I know! Let me make it up to you with some brownies!”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“Ah no you don’t have to do that, really. You can talk to me how ever you want. I don’t mind. I can be a real pain sometimes.”

LIZZY LION:

“Actually, I can’t.”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“What do you mean?”

LIZZY LION:

“Some assigned roles are a perfect fit for the student’s personality. Like yours.”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“Gee thanks.”

LIZZY LION:

“But then there’s roles like mine where I have to pretend to be someone else entirely. At least you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not.”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“Wait, your role isn’t you?”

To read the whole sketch, click here.

February 5, 2021

Blip:

MR. NONONSENSE:

“Now, I need to re-establish context by repeating myself for the viewers who have just returned from the intro and I will not change how I say it at all. We think our audience has less than average memory retention.”

“Today is a dark day, students. The Academy was just contacted by the police. We’ve been informed that Chisaki died two days ago by a negligent driver. There will be a service held for him after school.”

The students are muttering quietly amongst themselves.

LIZZY LION INT. MONOLOGUE:

“How sad. That guy was a jerk but he didn’t deserve that. Oh wait. My character should have a reaction to this.”

LIZZY LION:

“Oh Tempest-san, I can’t believe this! How awful! How could this happen to someone so young!”

MR. NONONSENSE:

“Ms. Lion, keep it down.”

LIZZY LION:

“Sorry Mr. NoNonsense.”

LIZZY LION:

“Sorry Mr. NoNonsense.”

LIZZY LION looks to SHINICHI TEMPEST. He is sitting with an expression that is difficult to read.

LIZZY LION INT. MONOLOGUE:

“Tempest is acting weird. He had no reaction to this news. It’s almost like he already knew. But how could he? Unless… Could he be the negligent driver? Is that why he didn’t drive to school today?”

To read the whole sketch, click here.

February 12, 2021

Blip:

As LIZZY LION turns around, it can be seen that she has stuffed two dodgeballs in her shirt. She then stabs a knife in both dodgeballs and feigns death. Her phone vibrates as she lays on the ground. She sits up and opens the notification. It’s a text from SHINICHI TEMPEST that reads: ‘Yoshi summons Chisaki at lunch. lel big dick energy.’

LIZZY LION:

“What’s a Yoshi?”

CUT TO

INT. CAFETERIA – NIGHT (6)

LIZZY LION pushes open the doors of the cafeteria room holding the gadget box that is beeping consistently and quickly. She finds SHINICHI TEMPEST sitting on the ground with YUREI OKABE crouched over the Switch. YUREI OKABE is furiously mashing buttons. SHINICHI TEMPEST waves casually at LIZZY LION.

To read the whole sketch, click here.

February 19, 2021

Blip:

YUREI OKABE:

“KISS CHISAKI!”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“NO!”

YUREI OKABE:

“IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK THE CURSE!”

SHINICHI TEMPEST:

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!”

YUREI OKABE:

“WE SKIPPED A LOT OF STEPS THAT WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED THINGS! BUT THERE’S NO TIME! COME ON PUCKER BOY! BE THE SEXY ANIME GIRL THIS SHOW DESERVES!”

To read the whole sketch, click here.

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